


You Can Blow What’s Left of my Right Mind

by cleo4u2



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alpha!Steve, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bonding, Bucky is not your typical Omega, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Missing Scene, Misunderstanding, Multiple Orgasms, Omega!Bucky, Overstimulation, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Really bad timing, Recovery, Rut, Smut, Steve wouldnt have it any other way, Stucky - Freeform, Switching, heat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:38:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleo4u2/pseuds/cleo4u2
Summary: Bucky’s been hiding his Omega designation for years. Behind enemy lines, Steve finds out the Beta he’d always wanted isn’t what he claimed to be. Title from  the  Political Animals' opening credit's song Future Starts Slow by The Kills.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd and inspired by [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/profile). Damn it, woman, I have other things to write! This shit kept me up until one in the morning because it had to come out. She's also the reason there will be a second chapter, so if you enjoy this, it's ALL HER FAULT.

The Howling Commandos were well behind enemy lines. A simple mission: rendezvous with a French resistance informant, help her however they could, and get home again. Simple in, simple out, with the promise of actual warm beds in between. The ‘in’ had been exactly what they expected. The out, however, became complicated in ways Steve never would have expected. 

They were trooping through the trees, Gabe on point, and the other men in a line behind him. It was midday, easy for a Nazi patrol to spot them if they were unlucky. A thick layer of snow cushioned their footfalls, but it was also leaving a trail for anyone to follow. Steve was already on edge, and they had days before they reached their pick-up location. 

Then the breeze shifted. Between one step and the next, Steve, Dum Dum, and Gabe froze. Jim cursed, eyeing the three Alphas warily. Monty took a single step backwards, coming side to side with Frenchie, but neither was tall enough to effectively hide Bucky like they were attempting to do. Even from here, Steve could see the flush on his face, the nervous way his eyes were darting between him and Dum Dum and Gabe. 

Jim, apparently the only Beta among them, turned sideways, holding out his hands to the three Alphas on his left and the three Omegas on his right. The breeze brought them the scent of a Beta trying his best to emit calming pheromones, but it didn’t come anywhere near to covering the overwhelming scent of an Omega in heat. Not just any Omega, either. An unbonded Omega. 

How had Steve not known? How the hell had Bucky hidden this from him for so long? Sure, he’d been sickly and his nose hadn’t worked right half the time, but Steve knew an Omega when he smelled one. He had smelled Bucky every day for years. He was a Beta, he _was_.

Except he wasn’t.

That was the rub, wasn’t it? Steve had known Bucky his whole life. His _whole_ life and he had been certain his best friend was a Beta, like Jim. From the looks on their faces, Monty and Frenchie knew that wasn’t the case. Knew Bucky was an Omega who must have been on some powerful suppressants. Suppressants that had apparently worn off and left Bucky in heat. In the middle of a forest, behind enemy lines, with three equally unbonded Alphas.

Steve felt like he was coming out of his skin. Instincts more powerful than they’d ever been swam under his skin, tugging him, demanding he fight for the right to take the Omega as his. Demanding he take the Omega right there, now. Make the Omega his.

“Let’s just, everyone _think_ , here,” Jim was saying loudly. 

Sucking in a breath through his mouth, Steve’s large hand slammed into Dum Dum’s chest as he tried to take a step past. This wasn’t just some Omega, it was _Bucky_. Bucky who looked like he was trying to come out of his skin too. Flushed and breathing hard, eyes large and _scared_ , so unlike his Bucky who wasn’t scared of any fucking thing.

Dum Dum growled, low and challenging, and Steve responded in kind. Tearing his eyes from Bucky, Steve growled louder, teeth bared, and Dum Dum flinched, averting his eyes. Since the serum, Steve hadn’t lost a single challenge, though he hadn’t used his Alpha status that way. Hadn’t needed to until now. Now he turned the challenge on Gabe, watched the man take a shaky breath and look purposely away from Bucky.

 _His_. Steve had won. There was no one to challenge him, no one to argue that the Omega was _his_. Bucky -

Using the hold he had of Dum Dum’s shirt, Steve spun the man around and shoved him forward. Grabbing Gabe’s shoulder, he repeated the action; keeping the Alphas away from Bucky. Keeping himself between them. He couldn’t look again, knew his instincts would only grow stronger if he did, so he spun on his heel as well.

“Keep him moving,” Steve ordered, voice rough and husky. “Frenchie, find us someplace to hole up for a while. Someplace...big.”

More than once over the next half hour, Steve had to forcefully remind Dum Dum and Gabe to keep walking forward. He couldn’t blame them. Bucky’s scent was so strong, like nothing Steve had ever experienced. The only reason he kept his head was because he had done this before. No one wanted a sickly Alpha, so every rut had been spent alone. No Omega to chase, no Beta to calm him. Just Steve, alone with his instincts and his hand. Trial by fire.

And to think there had been an Omega nearby all this time. An Omega whose heat he’d never scented before. How? Steve’s mind demanded. How had Bucky hidden this from him for so long? How had he kept it from anyone? There had been a steady stream of girls, nothing serious, nothing sexual from the smell of them, but they were there. Always, so many, taking Bucky’s attention. Steve had _hated_ them before, and now…

Now he wanted to tear them apart with his bare hands. The thought of anyone’s hands on Bucky’s skin, touching, exploring, made his head spin with pure rage. That there were five men just smelling that sweet, molten scent made his skin itch and crawl. It didn’t belong to them. It _should_ belong to him. Should have belonged to him since they were -

“There’s a small town an hour’s hike to the south,” Monty interrupted Steve’s increasingly possessive thoughts, “It’s practically backtracking, but Frenchie says there’s a brothel there that rents rooms. Resistance runs a smuggling operation out of it and they should put us up, no questions asked.”

“Better than I hoped for,” Steve said, trying to keep his voice normal and failing. “Monty, you’re on point. Gabe, Dum Dum, you come next.” Steve still couldn’t look at Bucky. “Jim, Frenchie, keep Bucky moving.”

The sound of his name, or maybe just the sound of an Alpha, made Bucky whine low in his throat. Instantly Steve felt the shift in his body, the ripple that ran the length of his spine. _Need_ and _want_ and ache curled in his groin, growing worse and worse until Steve wasn’t sure he’d be able to walk. _His_ scent shifted a moment later and Gabe and Dum Dum jumped away from him with a curse.

 _This_ was why unbonded Omegas weren’t allowed in the Army.

Steve gulped in a breath, then barked angrily, “Get moving. We don’t have time to loiter.”

Both Alphas bared their teeth at him, but with another growl and a threatening step towards them, they scurried forward. Jim and Frenchie looked surprised until they came close and smelled what Gabe and Dum Dum had: Steve had gone into rut, the first one since the serum, from the sound of Bucky’s whine. 

God, this wasn’t happening.

Without another word, Steve turned and began walking after them. It was torture, pure and utter torture as Bucky caught a wiff of his scent and began whining in earnest. Steve didn’t look, couldn’t look. It was taking all his strength to put one foot in front of the other, ignore the Omega scent filling his nose and the biology of his own body. Time passed in a blur of tight restraint. Dum Dum and Gabe were keeping their distance now without any extra effort on Steve’s part. That was good. Steve wasn’t sure what he’d have done to them if they tried to get to Bucky again.

Finally lights glittered through the dark and Steve’s world sharpened around him again. Music was floating on the night breeze. Voices, laughter, and that smell that was old and new: whiskey and sweat, salt, and pomade, Bucky, home, _his_.

Steve took in a rasping breath through his mouth.

“Gabe,” Steve held himself completely still, “Get down there, scout the brothel, make sure it’s clear, and get us at least three rooms. I don’t care what you have to do to get them.”

“Cap,” Gabe nodded, stripped out of his jacket, and slipped from the tree line. That was good. That was better. One less Alpha scent to irritate Steve’s nose. One less Alpha near his Omega.

Movement at his side and Steve tensed until he smelled the calming Beta pheromones. His mind cleared, a haze lifting. An experience, Steve realized, he’d never had with Bucky. Bucky, who didn’t look anything like the other Omegas Steve knew. 

Behind him, Bucky was still whining, but now Steve could hear Monty murmuring to him, trying to soothe him. God, how horrible did this have to be for him? An hour and a half forced march, his body too hot, aching for a mate and no relief in sight. 

How had Steve never noticed before?

“Better?” Jim asked after a long silence. 

“Please don’t stop,” Steve answered, not above begging. “I can’t...I can’t think straight. I should have sent Frenchie, not Gabe, but he’s…”

“Alpha.”

Steve nodded, swallowing hard.

“Don’t stop. He hid it. His designation. From everyone which means… It means he doesn’t want… Don’t stop.”

Jim nodded once and Steve took a deep breath through his nose. The smell of unbonded Omega was powerful still, but Jim kept ahold of his mind and radiated calm. Kept that thought playing in Steve’s mind. Bucky couldn’t want him, might not want anyone. Suppressants weren’t anything new, but they were illegal and usually dangerous. If Bucky had been using them his whole life, there _had_ to be a reason. Had to be a reason he had never told Steve the truth, and all Steve could think was that it was because he was an Alpha. A sickly, little thing that no one had wanted, but still an Alpha. Biologically designed to take unbonded Omegas in heat, not always with permission. 

Steve understood, he did, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. 

It was another half hour before Gabe came back, a stolen, or borrowed trenchcoat over one arm. 

“The Resistance will take us in,” Gabe explained, passing over the coat to Steve to hide the suit, “We have to go in through the back, probably should keep off any main streets, but we’ll be safe there until...all this is over.”

Nodding, Steve bundled himself into the coat and jerked his head toward the road. Without questioning, Gabe and Dum Dum went first. Both glanced back at Bucky, but they’d had time to get their heads in order. Steve hadn’t, not with the rut on him now, and if he didn’t get some relief, it would be on him for days. Days when his team wouldn’t have him to rely on, wouldn’t have Bucky. One of them out of commision was a problem, but both of them? Something had to be done, and Steve was walking into a brothel. It wasn’t unheard of to satisfy a rut in such a place. The thought made him nauseous, but if it kept them safe, how could he argue?

The streets of the little town were empty, but the Commandos kept to the back alleys as Gabe suggested nonetheless. The brothel itself was a large, three story affair; the source of the light and music and laughter in the night. Through the back door, they tromped into a kitchen and were met by several women in tight, revealing dresses. Steve didn’t get a chance to speak. One woman with luscious black hair, red smiling lips, a too-small dress, and brightly painted nails clucked at him the second he walked past her.

“Claire, help the Alpha.” 

A red nailed hand waved in Steve’s direction. Claire, a cute blonde in a flowing white dress, detached herself from a corner, slipping through the tables and chairs, and took both his hands in hers. She smelled of rain and forest loam, sweet and salty and gently Omega. Stomach roiling, Steve made himself follow, made his feet follow her dainty bare feet to the door, through the hall, and to the stairs. He stopped holding back his rut, let himself fall into her even though he didn’t really want to.

Something crashed behind them, someone shouted, and feet pounded down the hall. Steve didn’t care, didn’t look. There was an Omega here. An Omega welcoming and willing and not his, but _here,_ and he needed, but god did he need. Not this girl, not _her_ , but he couldn’t have what he wanted, even with the scent of Bucky lingering in Steve’s nose. 

Strong hands wrapped about Steve’s waist, ripped him from the little Omega, and slammed him against a wall. Taking a breath in to growl, to meet this challenge, the overwhelming scent of _Bucky_ wasn’t now just lingering. Standing before him was Bucky, glaring at the little blonde thing, and holding his arms spread wide. Not letting her pass.

“ _Mine_ ,” Bucky growled, and Steve lost his battle with his instincts. 

Reaching out, he caught the back of Bucky’s neck and yanked him against his chest. Whining, Bucky went, the fight draining out of him with Steve’s touch. Wrapping his arms around Bucky’s chest, Steve held him as close as he could and felt Bucky writhe against him. Heard him whine and smiled as he didn’t resist his embrace.

Nosing against the back of Bucky’s neck, he growled with pleasure as Bucky’s head lolled to the side. Offering, submitting, letting Steve nose at his scent glands. Letting him lick the sensitive skin, getting a deeper, longer breath of _Bucky_. Of what was _his_. 

Steve’s mouth watered with the need to bite, to claim, but not here. Not here. There were too many eyes here. Alphas, Betas, Omegas, and this was his. This was _private_. 

“Alpha,” the woman with the red lips and red nails said gently, her Beta pheromones urging calm. Not a threat, but not wanted, either. “Let me show you a private place, a safe place. You can care for him there.”

Nodding once, Steve ducked his head back into Bucky’s neck. He scented his Omega again, breathed him in, and scooped him into his arms. Bucky curled into his chest, tucking his head beneath Steve’s chin. Rough, chapped lips pressed to his own scent glands, nuzzling, kissing, licking. Distracting Steve from walking up the stairs after the Beta, but Steve didn’t stop him. Anything his Omega wanted, he would give him.

Holding Bucky tightly to his chest, Steve followed the Beta up two flights of stairs and down a dark hall. She didn’t try to enter the room, just opened a black door and nodded before stepping away. Steve didn’t spare her another thought. Carrying Bucky into the room, he ignored everything except the large bed in the center, piled with pillows and thick with blankets.

Steve kneeled on the edge of the bed and laid his Omega, _Bucky_ , in the middle, shushing his whimpers with a kiss. Tasting Bucky for the first time was even more overwhelming than scenting his heat. He was the darkness and cigarettes, whiskey and sunshine, opening for him so easy. Like they had done this a hundred times before. Like it wasn’t the first time.

Peeling open Bucky’s navy peacoat, Steve stripped the layers that would be too sensitive against his Omega’s flushed, heated skin. Bucky tangled his fingers into Steve’s hair, still whining against his lips, and held them together, not letting Steve pull away even a tiny bit. That was fine with Steve. Blindly, Steve tugged and pulled at the buckles and straps and buttons that held Bucky into his clothes, tossing aside each offending garment the second it was free. 

As soon as he was naked, Bucky’s hands were tugging, yanking, and pulling at Steve’s clothes. The borrowed/stolen coat hit the floor, then Bucky’s hands groped and struggled with the straps and buttons keeping Steve in his suit. Eager, needy hands drew moans from Steve as their heat brushed his skin. The brief contact left his knot aching even more than it had already been, needing to be inside Bucky. Needing to feel his slick and heat and tightness.

Finally naked, Steve laid himself over Bucky and reveled in the sigh of relief from his Omega. As Steve’s hands slid down Bucky’s shoulders to his hips, Bucky’s hands returned to Steve’s hair and back, nails digging into his scalp and skin. The relief was short lived and Bucky was whining again, grinding against him, his hard cock leaking as much as Steve’s. The only difference in condition was Bucky’s slick leaking from between his legs, filling the room with his scent. It drove Steve wild with the need to claim, to make the delicious Omega beneath him _his_. 

When he pulled away from Bucky’s lips, his Omega flipped over onto his stomach. Twisting his neck back to look at Steve, he spread his legs wide and whined again, arching his ass up into the air. Presenting, offering, and Steve felt a twinge of something that said _stop_ , but pushed it aside. Grabbing two handfuls of round, perfect ass, he squeezed and spread the cheeks wide to get a better look at Bucky’s twitching hole.

“Alpha,” Bucky whined, “Please, please, please.”

Licking his lips, Steve barely kept himself from plunging into that hole right then and there. 

“Smell so good,” Steve babbled, “so sweet and perfect. So, good, Buck, so good. Never knew you smelled so good.”

Bucky whined again, turning his face and burying it into a pillow. That perfect ass pushed up at Steve again and he bent to meet it. The second his tongue touched Bucky’s hole, the Omega came off the bed. Steve had to grab his hips, hold him down, hold him still, and even then he writhed. Holding tighter, knowing he would bruise Bucky and _wanting_ to, Steve licked the swollen rim and growled as Bucky cried out. He wanted more of that and thrust his tongue into Bucky’s body, chasing his cries and reveling in his taste. Bucky tasted how he smelled: divine. Steve didn’t think he could ever get enough. He licked and lapped, thrust his tongue into Bucky over and over until the his Omega shouted, tensed and shuddered, coming against the blankets.

The scent in the room only grew sharper, muskier, and Steve couldn’t hold himself back any more. Even before the aftershocks had stopped, he was crawling over Bucky’s back. With one hand on Bucky’s hip, the other on his cock, he guided himself to the spasming hole and sank inside. 

If Bucky had come off the bed before, he came undone now. Arching, he tried to thrust back onto Steve’s cock, take it all at once. With a growl, Steve shoved him into the mattress and lay down atop him, surrounding Bucky with his body and his scent. Slowly he finished pushing into Bucky’s heated, slick passage and let out another low growl.

“Mine,” Steve growled. 

Bucky shuddered and nodded frantically.

“Yes, yes, Alpha, _yours_.”

Pressing his nose against Bucky’s scent glands, Steve inhaled and slowly began to pull out. On the third thrust in, they both shuddered as he knotted, locking them together. With it inside him, Bucky finally went limp, the tension flowing from him. Steve growled with approval, thrusting faster, harder, grinding into Bucky over and over. 

The cries he earned were beautiful music, growing louder as Steve nipped and licked his scent glands. Not biting, not even when Steve’s jaw ached with the need to make sure no one ever took what was his. Not even when he came, Bucky having shivered and shouted his way through a second orgasm just before him. Steve wanted, he’d never wanted anything more, but he knew Bucky didn’t want him and even the rut couldn’t chase that thought away permanently. That didn’t stop him from trying.

Knowing in the back of his mind that this was the last time he’d ever have Bucky, Steve made every moment count. He didn’t pull free after their first round, keeping his knot buried in Bucky, and began thrusting again once they’d recovered enough to breathe easy. Shuddering beneath him, Bucky began to keen until Steve shushed him. 

“Steve,” Bucky whimpered instead, “Alpha.”

Breath catching, Steve went still. Pushing the sweat matted hair from Bucky’s forehead, Steve carefully turned his head so he could see his dark blue eyes. They were black, wide, and filled with so much lust it nearly stole Steve’s breath away. 

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Steve gasped before remembering why he’d stopped at all. He needed to make sure Bucky didn’t want him to leave now that the edge was off. “You want me to stop?”

“No,” Bucky gasped, “No, please. S-say it again.”

“Say…” Steve beamed as he realized what Bucky wanted. “You’re gorgeous, Buck. Never seen anythin’ like you before.” Carefully he rolled his hips and Bucky’s eyes rolled up into his head. “Yeah, you feel incredible, too. So good, sugar. Always wondered what you’d be like, how you’d take me. It’s so much better than I thought, Buck. Your smell and your heat, and, god, you’re so fucking gorgeous. So beautiful. Don’t wanna ever let you go.”

“Alpha,” Bucky gasped, thrusting back against Steve, “Oh god, Alpha. More, more, harder; give it to me.”

Steve obeyed. He fucked into Bucky over and over, harder, hands holding him down against the bed even as his body pressed him into the mattress. He fucked Bucky through another orgasm, wrapped an arm beneath his waist, held him close, and fucked him through another. 

They didn’t manage speech again, just moans and cries and growls and whines. After his third orgasm, Steve’s knot finally sank away. Beneath him, Bucky sighed with pleasure as Steve eased himself free of his body. He didn’t go far, collapsing onto his side. They needed to clean up, needed to eat and drink, and Steve needed to check on the others. Instead, he grabbed the blankets and wrapped them up, cocooning them together, and then wrapped himself around Bucky. Rolling over, Bucky curled into Steve, tucking himself into Steve’s new height and muscles, and went limp once more. Pliant and spent; his heat burned out of him. 

Humming with satisfaction, Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s head and let himself relax. Everything could wait until later. He closed his eyes and let an exhausted sleep steal over him. 

For once, there were no dreams. Steve slept deeply and long and woke still wrapped in the blankets, Bucky still tucked in his arms. The smell of sex and Omega heat and Alpha rut still filled the room, but Steve didn’t care. He liked it. Liked that the evidence that Bucky had been his, for just a little while, was still around them. Steve ached to think it would never happen again.

Though he knew he shouldn’t, Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s hair. The way Bucky’s breath caught said he wasn’t as asleep as Steve had thought. It was over, then. Carefully leaning back, Steve couldn’t stop the soft smile that lifted his lips when Bucky’s head tilted back, looking up at him. He was still a little flushed, but his eyes were clear. Clear, but unhappy.

Steve swallowed.

“Did I just fuck us up?” he asked bluntly. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Of course, you’d think this was all _your_ fault. You’re not the one who was hiding, who joined the Army illegally, or who...burned through all his suppressants without back-ups.”

Frowning, Steve allowed himself to reach up and push a hand through Bucky’s hair. He hadn’t tried to pull from Steve’s arms, from their cocoon, so maybe he wouldn’t mind the touch. Sure enough, Bucky’s lips parted and his eyes fluttered shut at the contact. Leaned into it enough that this time Steve’s breath caught.

“I’m the one that went into a rut just from smelling you,” Steve corrected. “Couldn’t keep my hands off you. Tried so fuckin’ hard… I’m sorry, Buck.”

The pleasure vanished from Bucky’s face and he shrank from Steve.

“Sorry,” he repeated dully, “What’ve you got to be sorry for? Apparently I made you -”

“No,” Steve said sharply, following that line of thought and not liking what he heard, “That’s not what I meant at all.” He tightened his arms around Bucky. “I just know you. I know if you’ve been hiding this, you wouldn’t want…” Steve sighed, feeling his stomach twist with guilt. “You wouldn’t want some Alpha pawing at you when you weren’t in your right mind. Then I ended up being that Alpha. I got somethin’ I’ve wanted a long time and you… You got me.”

Bucky had looked up at Steve when he confessed, for the second time, that he’d wanted Bucky for a while. Tension leaked from Bucky’s shoulders and he settled against Steve’s chest. Tentatively, an arm wrapped around his waist and Steve smiled weakly.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Bucky mumbled.

“Yeah, well, there’s a limited number of reasons you never told me you were an Omega. If you’d wanted my help before this, you woulda asked for it, so...I...kinda know you don’t want me. I knew it and I still couldn't keep away.”

Bucky stiffened again but Steve didn’t pull away like he probably should have. Yeah, Bucky didn’t want him, but Steve wanted Bucky. He would take this moment, the feel of Bucky’s hair between his fingers, their bodies curled close. No one could ever say Steve wasn’t selfish. 

“Steve,” Bucky started, but Steve quickly interrupted.

“No, it’s okay. I know… I mean, I can imagine why you’d do that. If I’d been an Omega, I’d likely have done something similar. You guys don’t…have the best…lives.”

“You would have told me,” Bucky said quietly.

Steve smiled tightly.

“Yeah, well, that’s me.”

Bucky’s head fell forward, forehead pressing to Steve’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Stevie,” Bucky said weakly, “I was...just so scared. I didn’t want you to treat me any different if you found out, and by the time I figured out you’d never treat me different just ‘cause I’m not the Beta I claimed to be...it had been years, and I didn’t know _how_ to tell you. Then I was just ashamed I’d hid it for so long.”

Closing his eyes tightly, Steve tightened his arms around Bucky again. It would be a lie if he said he understood all that, but this was Bucky. None of it mattered. What mattered was he knew now, and Bucky hadn’t thought he was like those Alphas he’d been hiding from, the ones who thought Omegas existed for breeding and nothing else. It wasn’t like Steve had never fucked up before, either. Like he hadn't conveniently forgotten to write Buck about Project Rebirth. Bucky had forgiven him for that; Steve could forgive this.

“It’s okay, Buck,” Steve assured, running his fingers up and down Bucky’s back. “You do realize this is a problem, though, right? I can’t… I can’t go into a rut every time you forget your suppressants.”

Tilting his head up, Bucky scowled and then shoved himself out of Steve’s arms. Sitting up, he loomed over Steve. It was probably not the best reaction, but Steve smiled up at him. He might be an Omega, but Bucky was still _Bucky_. He wasn’t going to just roll over.

“You seriously went into a rut ‘cause of me?” Bucky demanded.

Blushing, Steve nodded.

“Gotta say, first time I’ve done it without being alone. Kinda nice.”

Bucky went still, licked his lips, and blurted, “That was mine, too.” 

Eyes going wide, Steve let his palm slide over Bucky’s hip. 

“First time being in heat with a partner?” Steve clarified.

Bucky nodded, firm, but Steve could see his nerves.

“First heat,” he admitted, “First partner, period. My ma got me the suppressants as soon as we realized…”

“It’s really okay,” Steve assured him. “I just hope you can forgive me.”

Eyebrows drawing together, Bucky frowned down at him.

“Forgive you for what? Wait, this? Christ, punk,” Bucky smiled, but rolled his eyes in exasperation, “What’d you think I chased that little bitch off for? You miss what I said?”

Steve swallowed, feeling a flush creep up his neck.

“No, didn’t, just…”

Smirking, Bucky leaned down until their lips brushed.

“You thought it was the heat talking.”

“It wasn’t?” Steve asked, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.

With a shake of his head, Bucky kissed him. No heat, no pheromones, no biological imperative. Just him and Bucky, slow and sweet. Steve’s chest was tight with happiness; Bucky actually wanted him.

Nipping Steve’s lips, Bucky pulled back enough to say, “Mine.”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“I think that’s my line.”

Laughing, Buck leaned on his chest, nosing at Steve’s jaw.

“Whatever, Alpha,” he teased.

Steve cleared his throat.

“We still have a problem.”

“Do we?” Bucky asked, his lips now trailing along Steve’s jaw line. “What’s that?”

“I’m definitely gonna go into rut if you go into another unexpected heat.”

Bucky chuckled dryly.

“Unless we mate.”

“What?” Steve blurted. 

Grabbing Bucky’s chin, Steve made him look up. A blush had settled on Bucky’s cheeks, but he looked defiantly into his eyes. Challenging. Steve didn’t understand why for a long moment, but when he remembered Omegas were never supposed to be the ones to propose mating, he understood. Seemed Bucky had a lot of hangups Steve was going to have to get used to.

“You want to be mine?” Steve clarified, softening his hold into a caress down Bucky’s throat. “Only mine? After being on suppressants for so long?”

“Well,” Bucky swallowed, “There’s a chance I may not be able to give you kids ‘cause of those, but if you’ll have me…”

Steve kissed Bucky hard to stop his talking.

“Are you crazy?” he pulled back, laughing. “Who wouldn’t want you? I’d be the luckiest guy on the planet to put my mark on you.”

Bucky grinned, the kind of smile he’d had back home, carefree and cocky.

“Be mine, Stevie. Make me yours.”

Hooking his arms around Bucky’s shoulders, Steve rolled them over. There was no time like the present.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve was surprised at how pliant Bucky went beneath him, spreading his legs so Steve could sink between them, hands falling to the side as he bared his throat. Cupping his palm over Bucky’s throat, Steve nuzzled against his scent glands and groaned as _Bucky_ flooded his nose. It was a heaven Steve had never imagined. Bucky’s scent as a Beta had been incredible, as an Omega it was out of this world.

He licked, tasting and scenting, and groaned before he glanced up and saw Bucky’s hands curled into the sheets. Clenched. Sitting up, Steve turned Bucky’s face towards him, brushing his thumb over his lips so those blue eyes opened again. They looked at him with nervousness and fear. 

“If you don’t want this,” Steve started, trying not to feel hurt when Bucky shook his head. “We’ll find another way for you to stay.”

“No, not that,” Bucky sighed, closed his eyes and collected himself. When he looked up again, he didn’t look any less nervous, but the fear was gone. “I never thought I’d do this, bond, let alone with you, and now…” Steve waited, dropping his hand to Bucky’s neck and tracing his collarbone. “You’re sure it’s not just ‘cause you know I’m an Omega now?”

Steve wanted to laugh, but he knew Bucky would never forgive him for that. Insecure wasn’t something Steve had ever thought Bucky would be, but then again he hadn’t known about _this_. Hadn’t known all those girls were a mask Bucky was hiding behind. He _had_ known Bucky was a stickler for Omega rights and respecting them, and this went a long way to explaining why. It explained a lot of things, suggested Steve had a lot to learn about Bucky still, but one thing hadn’t changed: how much Steve loved Bucky just the way he was.

Instead of laughing, he sat back, made his expression as serious as possible, and asked, “You sure it’s not just ‘cause I’m big now?”

“What?” Bucky sat up, knocking Steve off him in the process. Steve went, trying hard not to smile. “You think that I’d…”

Now he let himself smile, grabbing a pillow and hitting Bucky over the head.

“You think I’d accept a mating request from just anyone? Think I wanted you for so long _just_ because you’re gorgeous? Buck, I love you. I _know_ you, and you know me. Stop overthinking this so damned much.”

“It’s kind of a big deal,” Bucky said defensively. “You can change your mind after. I can’t.”

Steve flinched.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m planning, to tell you I love you and I’ve wanted you forever, just so I can change my mind in a few years. Good to know that’s something you’d even consider I’d do.”

Shoving himself up, Steve kicked himself free of the blankets and stood. The room was nice, now that he got a better look at it. Not fancy, but comfortable, all rich browns and oranges and greens. A door in the corner opened onto an actual bathroom, with actual plumbing. There was a table and two chairs, and a pitcher of ice water and glasses. Well, Steve was pretty sure it had been ice water at some point.

“That’s not what I meant,” Bucky protested.

“Well,” Steve said sarcastically, making his way to the table and pouring a glass of water, “that’s a comfort, considering you didn’t _mean_ for any of this.”

“Excuse me for being worried when you’ve never shown any interest before!”

“Never?” Steve choked on the word, his hands shaking so badly he had to abandon pouring a second glass. “So I wasn't showing interest when we were sixteen and I asked to scent you? When we were nineteen and I asked if you'd help with my rut? Oh, wait, no that was you, turning me down and taking out all those girls.”

“I was scared!” Bucky shouted. “I was ashamed!”

“I fucking know!” Steve shouted back. Stomping over, he shoved the glass into Bucky's hands. “Doesn't change the fact that you were so busy hiding, you never paid any attention to what it might _mean_ when I asked you those things.”

Bucky stared up at him, then down at the glass. Tentatively he took a sip, as if he'd had to think about letting Steve care for him first. That was the typical role of an Alpha, even though it had never worked like that for them. A large source of Steve's shame over the years was that he couldn't even take care of himself, let alone a partner. Bucky knew that. It was probably the only reason he drank at all now.

Calmer, Steve said, “You are clearly under the impression that I'm gonna want things to change between us now.”

“Isn't that what happens?” Bucky asked the now half-full glass of water. “We bond, you get all possessive and I go all submissive?”

Steve snorted and Bucky's head shot up, surprise and hope so clear in his eyes it nearly broke Steve's heart. Sitting down, he draped his arm over Bucky's shoulders and pulled him in close, like Bucky always had when Steve was small. Thankfully, Bucky went with the motion, tucking himself against Steve's side.

“There's no world where Bucky Barnes submits to _me_ anywhere, ‘cept maybe the bedroom. Wouldn't want it any other way, Buck.”

“Fuckin’ sap,” Bucky muttered. 

“Why’d you ask to mate if all this was bottled up in there?”

“You're _mine_ ,” Bucky snapped, sitting up to glare at Steve. Angry all over again. “And after Azzano, and with Peggy around… And you were thinking about goin’ with that little whore here. You were gonna, and you're _mine_. If we don't mate, someone else is gonna snatch you from under my nose and I won't let ‘em.”

Steve laughed, pushing Bucky back and straddling his hips. Angry blue eyes went wide with surprise, but he grabbed Steve's hips and stared up at him. Didn't try to get away, or fight. 

“Buck,” Steve smirked. “What part of ‘I love you’ are you misunderstanding? How many times I gotta say it, huh? I love you. I love you, you stubborn, irritating, jerk. I love it when you stand up to me, when you fight for me, how you don't let me get away with anything. How you took care of me and taught me to fight when no one else would ‘cause they thought I'd just kill myself tryin’. You think I want you to roll over and be my bitch? Does that really sound like me?”

Bucky smiled sheepishly.

“Not really.”

Thinking Steve would go right back to mating him, Bucky tilted his head back, baring his throat.

“You know,” Steve said conversationally, “I bet there's some lube in this room somewhere. Why don't we find it and fool around some more? The guys’ll wait.”

Bucky frowned.

“I'm probably barren, but not so broken we need lube.”

“Yeah,” Steve smirked, “but I do.”

Though his jaw dropped, Bucky recovered quickly. Hooking his legs around Steve's hips, he rolled them over. Steve didn't resist, helping even, so Bucky lay between his spread thighs. It felt good, Bucky over him, looking down with such astonished eyes. Like he was being handed a gift he didn't know what to do with. 

“You sure?” Bucky asked carefully, “It's not… It's not done.”

“Like I care,” Steve growled. “If Betas can, I should be allowed it, too.”

“But,” Bucky licked his lips, his cock growing hard against Steve's thigh, apparently very interested in Steve’s suggestion. “You're sure you're not just proving something?”

“Didn’t I just remind you to have more faith in me?” Steve growled. “You've clearly got some fuckin’ issues, so I'll let it go one more time. _Yes_ , I'm proving something.” He softened his tone. “Doesn't mean I don't want it. Come on, Buck; show me how I made you feel last night. I want it. I want your dick in me.”

Licking his lips again, Bucky managed a breathless, “Yeah,” before scrambling off the bed. 

It took Bucky only a few moments to find the lube and return. Chuckling, Steve made himself comfortable. Bucky looked at him sharply, maybe thinking he was being mocked, but Steve just spread his legs. That wiped the expression right off Bucky’s face. Swallowing hard, he sat down on the side of the bed, laying his hand on Steve’s thigh.

“You’re seriously gonna let me?”

“No,” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and yanked him so he fell over Steve’s chest, “I want you to.”

Bucky laughed.

“God, Stevie, I should have told you ages ago. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, well, I know now and you’ll be mine soon enough. Want you to make me yours first.”

Bucky kissed him hard and fast, making their teeth clack together. Laughing again, Steve earned a kick to his ankle, and could only laugh harder. He never thought Bucky would be so eager in bed. Another kick and Steve was trying to stop giggling, really he was, but the blow only made it worse. Though he was trying to look annoyed, Bucky was grinning now, smothering Steve’s laugh with another kiss.

Then Bucky wrapped a slick hand about Steve’s cock and he nearly came off the bed as a bolt of pure lust shot up his spine. 

“Buck,” Steve gasped, all laughter forgotten.

“Finally,” Bucky murmured against his lips, “I’ve learned how to shut you up.”

“Uh huh,” Steve managed, and he wasn’t actually sure it made sense, but what did it matter? Bucky’s hand was on his cock, slowly stroking him up and down, squeezing just right. Their lips were pressed together in a slow kiss, not even parting when they spoke so they could return to kissing as soon as the noises left their throats. 

Carefully, Bucky’s free hand eased between Steve’s legs, pressing against his hole and rubbing. With a groan, Steve spread his legs wider, and Bucky pressed the tip past the tight muscle. The gasp that left Steve must have sounded pained because Bucky froze and Steve had to nip at his lip to bring him back to what he was doing. 

The digit inched into Steve little by little, and he shuddered with the fullness of it. When Bucky tried to ease out just as slow, Steve shifted impatiently and Bucky took the hint. He also twisted as he pulled his finger free, making a jolt of pleasure ripple through Steve’s entire body. Cursing, he writhed, and Bucky grinned into their kiss. When he thrust back in, he twisted and crooked the digit, searching, hunting until Steve gasped and arched off the bed. Pleasure bloomed in his stomach, hot and curling, threatening to swallow him alive, and Bucky, now with a target, focused on that spot. He left Steve whimpering, moaning, and squirming even before he pushed in a second finger.

At three fingers, Steve didn’t even wince. He groaned, arching again and gasping with just how good it felt. This didn’t feel wrong. Why did everyone say it was wrong? Fucking _idiots_ , the lot of them. Bucky hadn’t stopped stroking his cock, but it was slower now, a dull burn compared to the roaring inside him. 

Bucky’s eyes were open, but so were Steve’s, staring into each other, and there was so much sensation, so _much_ , and Steve wasn’t sure he could take it, but Bucky was only touching him. It shouldn’t have hit him so hard, that they almost lost this chance, almost lost each other. That they could have had it ages ago, been mates, and Bucky would never have been drafted, not with an Alpha as sickly as Steve had been. Steve would never have joined the war, never would have left his Omega knowing how sick he was and how little time they had together. He would have died, and Bucky…

“Shh, shh,” Bucky said, lips moving against his own. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“I need you,” Steve gasped, shaking hands holding Bucky’s face, “You know that, don’t you? I need...” He shuddered, eyes closing as Bucky hadn’t stopped _unmaking_ him, “Dunno what I’d do without you. Always you, Buck; god, how could it have been anyone else?”

Bucky finally stopped stroking Steve inside and out, his eyes so wide Steve felt he could fall into them.

“Jesus, Stevie,” Bucky whispered, awed, “How am… Am I doin’ this to you?”

Steve let out a laugh, but it was choked off as Bucky squeezed his cock.

“No one ever told you?” Steve groaned, and it explained so much, so fucking much. “Alphas... We get so fuckin’...mental ‘cause we can’t...can’t do without you. The thought, Christ, Buck, I can’t… I can’t stand the thought...”

“I’m here,” Bucky promised, “Here with you.”

“It’s all posturing,” Steve babbled, “Need you. Gotta keep you safe ‘cause…‘cause without you… Nothin’ without you. And it’s always been you. Pickin’ me up, puttin’ me on my feet, tellin’ me I wasn’t nothin’. Bucky, god; sugar, it’s always been you. You make me so dizzy…”

“Gonna be inside you soon, Stevie,” Bucky promised, trying to calm him.

“Yes, yes, please,” Steve pleaded. If they’re locked together… “Yes, inside me. _Now_.”

Shaking his head, Bucky thrust his fingers in again, faster, harder, deeper. Like Steve didn’t know he needed. Steve gasped, shuddering, as his hands fell to Bucky’s shoulders. Holding on, holding tight, unable let go. If Bucky changed his mind about the bond, if Steve couldn't keep him…

“Shh,” Bucky crooned. “Gonna fuck you and you’re gonna mate me, okay? Okay, Stevie? I’m all yours. Just yours.”

The words unraveled the building tension in Steve’s chest, and he relaxed the bruising grip he’d had on Bucky’s shoulders. 

“Mine,” Steve repeated, finding it easier to breathe. 

Bucky looked at him with such wonder as he nodded.

“Yours. ‘M yours, Stevie.”

“Show me,” Steve demanded, pulling at Bucky’s shoulders, “ _Show me_.”

“Jesus,” Bucky cursed, but he finally _did_. 

Steve let out a sound like a sob as Bucky’s fingers pulled free and were replaced by something bigger, broader. 

“Yesyesyes,” Steve chanted, arching his back. 

Wrapping his legs about Bucky’s waist, Steve tugged him forward, and Bucky cursed as he was forced past Steve’s tight rim. It burned, but Steve revelled in it. In knowing they were joined, that Bucky was _his_ , as he sank completely inside Steve. Shuddering, Steve dug his heels into Bucky’s thighs and locked them together, held Bucky inside him. Bucky kissed him, moaning into his mouth, and Steve’s jaw began to ache so fiercely he groaned.

Pulling back, Bucky looked down at him worriedly.

“Are you hur… _Oh_.”

Steve didn’t know what, ‘Oh,’ meant, but he didn’t care either. Grabbing Bucky by the back of the neck, he yanked him down, pulling their chests flush. Keeping his hand in place, Steve forced his Omega to bare his throat, expose the scent glands beneath his ear. Bucky whined, but it was with as much want as was curling through Steve. Making him _ache_ with it, with such need that he had to, he had to…

Sinking his teeth into Bucky’s neck, Steve growled and felt Bucky shudder against him. He dropped his legs to the sides of Bucky’s hips, and his Omega pulled out and thrust back into Steve so hard the bed slammed against the wall. It didn’t budge Steve’s teeth from Bucky’s neck, didn’t move his arms an inch, so tight about Bucky’s back and shoulders. It had to be an awkward position, but Bucky didn’t seem to care. Steve didn’t either, moaning and growling as Bucky began to thrust into him, hard and fast. Over and over and over, as deep as Bucky could go, each and every time. 

Though his muscles burned and his jaw ached for all new reasons, Steve held the position. Held Bucky to him as he felt it, under the pleasure, curling around and through him, and it was all _Bucky_. Inside him, around him, consuming him. Fire and ice, and a certainty of forever.

“ _Steve_ ,” Bucky whined, hand closing around his cock as the thrusts stuttered and hitched. 

Then Bucky was crying out, a high wail, as a warm rush inside Steve signaled he was coming, and so was Steve, coming and grunting and growling, spilling between them. The rush afterward was completely new, powerful and sweet, but unmistakable. A bond, their souls joined, and Steve’s heart skipped like it still had a hole in it because Bucky _let_ him. Bucky _chose_ him.

Slowly, Steve pulled his teeth from the new mating mark. Over the next weeks it would fade and scar, shiny white for all the world to see. His, Steve’s, not for anyone else to ever lay a hand on. Though he couldn’t say why, he gently licked at the flecks of blood on the pale skin. Bucky whimpered against him. He was still inside Steve, not hard, but _there,_ and it was perfect.

“I love you,” Bucky whispered, and Steve smiled against Bucky’s skin.

“Mine,” Steve answered because it was so much more than love. Maybe Bucky understood now because he chuckled, nuzzling against Steve’s temple.

“Yeah, punk,” Bucky said happily. “Yours.”

Humming with satisfaction, Steve rolled them over and yanked the blankets around them again. A nest, not one he had made for Bucky himself, but it would do for now. Until they were home, until he could give Bucky everything he had ever wanted. It wasn't what they did, but he thought that maybe Bucky would let him now, now that he could. Now that they were bonded. And if he didn’t, well, Steve would just have to get over it.

“The guys are going to freak out,” Bucky said amiably.

“Huh?” Steve managed. It sounded rather incoherent, considering Bucky’s words had nothing to do with them, the bond, or making a home which was Steve’s only focus. How was he supposed to focus on something other than Bucky?

“The guys?” Bucky repeated, then laughed when he realized Steve was on nowhere near the same page. “You gonna be like this after every time we have sex?”

“Maybe,” Steve said carelessly, “Kinda incredible. Least ways, I thought it was.” Steve’s head came up so fast it left him a little dizzy. “You…all right? It was...good?”

Bucky laughed and then squeezed his arms around Steve when he flushed.

“Incredible,” Bucky agreed. “Both ways, every way. You’re the bee’s knees, Stevie.”

Laughing, Steve poked Bucky hard in the side before stretching out, sprawled atop his mate. 

“My mate,” Steve repeated the thought aloud. “Bondmate. Mine,” he sighed, utterly content. “My ma would be so fuckin’ happy right now.”

“My dad is gonna kick your ass,” Bucky returned.

Steve snorted.

“See ‘im try,” he mumbled, and Bucky burst out laughing. 

Steve just smiled against his shoulder. This was the first time Bucky had laughed this much, this often, and this deeply, since Azzano. It was beautiful.

“Guys might kick your ass.”

Steve considered this more seriously. Unlike Bucky’s asshole father, he _liked_ the Howling Commandos. They had become family and, yeah, they might kick his ass. This admittedly was not how things were usually done.

“They might,” he agreed reluctantly.

Snickering, Bucky kissed the top of Steve’s head.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he promised.

“Well in that case,” Steve said with a roll of his eyes. Propping his chin on Bucky’s chest, he met his mate’s gaze. “You’re not...upset with me? This is not exactly how my ma taught me to go about courting an Omega.”

“Mmm” Bucky agreed, lifting a hand to run through Steve’s hair, “but it was perfect.”

“Would it be weird if I courted you now?” Steve asked.

The hand in Steve’s hair paused before resuming the soothing caress. 

“Don’t think I want to be courted, Stevie. Always felt…” Bucky shrugged a shoulder, “like the Alphas were trying to buy their mates. Roses? Jewelry? I don’t need any of that stuff.”

“What do you need?” Steve asked immediately.

Bucky smiled, the small one that means he’s as happy as Steve felt.

“You. ‘S’all I ever needed. Now I got you, you’re healthy and… That’s all I ever wanted.”

The smile on his face was probably stupid and sappy, but Steve could not have cared less.

“When should we break the news?” Steve asked.

Bucky’s hand dropped to Steve’s shoulder, fingers trailing patterns over his skin. Returning the gesture, Steve nuzzled against Bucky’s chest, his hand on his hip. It was a pleasant surprise, how well they fit together.

“Not even sure what time it is,” Bucky chuckled. “Probably should let them know we’re not dead, though.”

“Pretty sure they heard that,” Steve drawls. 

Another laugh burst from Bucky’s chest and Steve smiled, pleased.

“Then we should put them out of their misery.”

“Misery?” Steve repeated.

“Yeah,” Bucky said as if it was obvious. “What would you do if, say, Dum Dum ended up taking Monty in a heat?”

“Kill him,” Steve answered instantly, then realized what he said. “Oh.”

“Yeah, they’re probably taking themselves apart thinking about what’s gonna happen when we come downstairs.”

Steve bit his lip.

“Right. Think I’m about to get shot?”

“Maybe,” Bucky said carelessly, “but how about a bath first?”

“I do think I deserve a bath,” Steve agreed thoughtfully. “Especially if I’m about to die.”

Shoving at him, Bucky laughed again and Steve forced his protesting body to get up. The bath itself wasn’t a problem, but it signaled the end of their time alone. Inside, Steve had been able to forget, for a little while, that there was a war outside. That there were responsibilities they couldn’t escape. He didn’t want to truly escape them, but he did want to spend as much time with Bucky as he could, alone and loving and wonderful.

The bath passed far too quickly for Steve. Bucky was, for a few more moments, his best friend from Brooklyn. The serious-faced Sergeant had taken a vacation. Oh, he was there, he would always be a part of Bucky, and Steve loved him, but sometimes he missed his friend. Not now though, and he hoped never again. They would find a balance with the men they had become, and the boys they had been. So long as they had each other, they could do anything.

When it finally came time to face the music, Steve reluctantly dressed. As much as he wanted to hang back, let Bucky explain everything was fine, he couldn’t make his mate do that. Bucky would have, offered to, but that was the coward’s way out; if he was anything, it wasn’t a coward. Steve would march downstairs and tell anyone and everyone that Bucky was his.

The last part, at least, didn’t sound so bad.

“Hey,” Bucky grabbed Steve’s shoulder as he gripped the doorknob. They were dressed in their uniforms again, Steve in his red, white, and blue, Bucky in his navy and brown. “You know I was just riling you up, right? They’re not gonna kill you; it’s gonna be fine.”

“Says you,” Steve said with a frown.

Bucky snorted.

“Says me. They love you and no one thinks you’d do me wrong. Even if I didn’t know you loved me, I knew that. Everyone knows that. You stormed a Nazi base by yourself for me, Steve.” Bucky snorted again. “Shoulda figured it out then, really.”

Laughing, Steve nodded.

“Really kind of dense, there, Buck.”

“Shut up,” Bucky grumbled, pulling the door open himself. “Go face the firing squad. I got your six...up to a point.”

“Thought you said they weren’t gonna shoot me,” Steve protested, making Bucky shove him out the door. Made Bucky shove him all the way to the stairs because Bucky was laughing. Laughing and cursing Steve up one way and down the other, and it made Steve so warm. So _warm_ because he made his mate happy.

When they got to the kitchen - Dum Dum and Monty’s voices had rumbled through the halls - Steve stopped resisting, and they stumbled in just as Bucky lost his footing. Instantly the room fell silent, all eyes swiveling to the pair. There were no girls, just the Howling Commandos around a table, laughing and smoking, and playing cards. Armed.

Steve took a deep breath.

“So, um,” Steve started hesitantly, “Bucky and I are. We’re bonded. Now.”

Bucky snorted, but crossed his arms over his chest.

“Always so smooth, Steve.”

“Shut up,” Steve shot back, flushing. 

Dum Dum’s palm slammed onto the table, but he wasn’t looking at Steve.

“Pay up,” he demanded, grinning wildly.

Jim rolled his eyes, but Monty and Gabe passed over their money.

“Felicitations!” Dernier shouted, raising a bottle of...something.

Grinning, Bucky pulled out a seat, flipped it around and sat so his chest pressed into the back rest. Steve, for the first time, didn’t stop himself from stepping forward, trailing his fingers along his mate’s neck. When he looked back, Bucky smiled so softly it stole Steve’s breath away.

Then Gabe was crushing him in a hug and Steve had to pull away, laughing as he was passed to Jim, then Monty, and Dum Dum. Steve ended up between the two taller Commandos, their arms around his shoulders. Across the table, Bucky was surrounded by Jim, Gabe, and Dernier. His hand kept straying to his neck, touching the new mark self-consciously. It made Steve stupidly happy because Bucky smiled every time he did it. 

“‘Bout time,” Dum Dum said.

Steve grinned, drinking in the sight of his mate. Of his smile. It didn’t matter that it had taken them forever to figure out they belonged together. They knew it now. It wasn’t perfect; it was messy and complicated, but Steve knew he would have chosen Bucky, this bond, and their story over and over, without any hesitation, every single time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta yelled at me and demanded a TWS sequel so that might happen...This was only supposed to be one chapter! JFC...It's like I like her or something.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky falls from the train...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some deliberation (I asked and D told me what to do), this is just all going to be one story. Likely only one more chapter after this!

When Bucky woke, they told him Steve was dead. They told him over and over, mocking and laughing and jeering. Even after they broke him, it was their favorite taunt. Steve, his Alpha, his bondmate, was dead. Though he broke, though he was nothing more than a shattered shell of his former self, he never told them the truth. Steve wasn’t dead.

Bucky could feel him.

The bond didn’t fade, though the scar did, slowly, but surely, over the years. His hair grew longer, down to his shoulders, and covered it. No one tried to replace it, not even Hydra was willing to break that taboo. It was their only kindness, the only thing Bucky had to be thankful for as days and weeks and months blended together. The feel of Steve’s heart, slow and steady, thumping in his own chest. For a while, he thought Steve would come for him.

Then they put him in the chair.

After the chair came the drugs. Drugs and doctors, technicians, and Bucky felt...nothing. There was no _Bucky_. There was the Asset, the Winter Soldier. He was nothing. A ghost’s shadow without a scent, without any biological drives. A weapon to be pointed, fired, and put back into storage. He couldn’t have answered if asked what a mate was. If they had broken the bond, or it had broken due to time and distance, or had just became muted, Bucky wouldn’t have been able to say even if anyone had asked.

No one asked. They thought Steve was dead.

The drugs took Bucky’s heat and his scent. The doctors kept him fit, kept him on his feet. The technicians kept him compliant, kept him blank. The handlers… They pointed him. Told him he was shaping the world into something better, made him kill, and then washed their hands of him. Over and over until the small shards that were Bucky stopped screaming in protest.

Then they pointed him at a black man with only one eye and the Asset failed. It had been so long since he’d failed a mission, but the black man with one eye was smart. Not smart enough. The Asset tracked him to the Capitol, to a one-floor apartment where a man with blond hair and a shield gave away his position. The blond man had been concerned. Concerned for the target, and the pieces that were all that was left of Bucky Barnes screamed louder, struggled harder for the first time in forty years, and the Asset...missed. Not completely, no, his rounds struck, but they didn’t instantly kill. There was a chance the target would live…

The Asset ran. The blond man followed. Their fight was brief, and the Asset returned to his handler.

The handler pointed him again.

On the bridge, he failed again. One level six target eliminated, the other, the woman, injured, but alive. Because of the blond man. The blond man that made those parts of the Asset which had been quiet for so long scream, and thrash, and flail. The man who called him Bucky. He knew him. The Asset _knew_ him, but…

They wiped him, and pointed him again.

The Asset tried to get the jump on the blond man and his ally on the helicarrier, but he already knew the Asset was there. He called out to Bucky - to him? _Yes_ , the no-longer-quiet parts shouted - and the Asset threw him off the helicarrier.

When the winged man went after him, the Asset stopped him, even as the fractured shards started to scream, _‘No! Don’t! Save him! Steve! Stevie. Steve Steve Alpha Steve Steve Steve.’_ Except he was gone. He was dead. The Asset threw him off the helicarrier. The Asset killed him. He killed Steve.

Who the hell was Steve? The target did not have a name.

With both threats eliminated, the Asset retreated to the targeting computer to ensure nothing else could go wrong with the handler’s plan. Standing there, guarding the chips, the quiet parts came to life when Steve - the target - somehow arrived. Somehow survived. A miracle, always Bucky’s miracle.

He was the Asset. He did not have a name. The target did not have a name.

Pleading, the Asset thought that was what the target was doing before he attacked. When they clashed this time, there was no mask to keep the target’s scent at bay. Overwhelming, distracting, spring nights and metal, gunpowder, laughter - no one could _smell_ like laughter. The target smelled like laughter, sunrise, graphite, paper, new leather. The Asset was quickly overwhelmed. His mind would not cooperate. His senses would not cooperate. The handler’s mission was failing. The handler would punish him. The mission could not be completed. The mission must be completed.

Bucky - the Asset - notBucky fired his weapon at the Stevetarget. He did not let the screaming splinters have their way when the bullet struck true. The Stevetarget kept climbing. NotBucky fired again, but not for the head. The shattered pieces would not let him fire at the Stevetarget’s head. Would not let him kill his - not his - Alpha, but his last shot was debilitating. Surely he had stalled long enough to ensure the handler’s plan was -

The ceiling collapsed in an explosion. Louder than ever, the pieces were screaming. He had almost killed Steve twice. He could not kill Steve. Alpha. Stevie. _The target._ Programming warred with memory, with _self_ that the Asset did not have. That Hydra had removed from him so long ago, when the pieces were born. He fought them. He fought the Stevetarget. He fought them, himself, Hydra, Steve. He was killing Steve.

_He was killing Steve._

NotBucky stopped the Asset. NotBucky dove into the water amidst fiery destruction. NotBucky pulled Steve from the water.

Bucky walked away from his Alpha. From the bond he could no longer feel pumping in his chest. He walked away, hoping Steve would not come for him, because he could not be sure he could control the Asset. He could not be sure he _was_ Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes. 32557038. The Fist of Hydra.

No. He was Bucky. Just Bucky. Wasn’t he?

This was why he prayed Steve did not come for him. Why he prayed his Alpha repressed his own nature and let Bucky go. Prayed the bond was gone. He wanted to stay, he did, but Steve was a target. Steve was not safe with Bucky near.

So he ran. He ran for a week. Seven days fighting himself, fighting Hydra’s programming, purging the drugs from his system, trying to remember why it mattered that he was Bucky. Why it mattered that Steve was Alpha. Who he was, who he had been, who he was supposed to be. Piecing together the nightmares and dreams, what was real, what wasn’t, how it could all even be possible.

Seven days.

Then he woke somewhere in southern Mexico and a heartbeat that wasn't his own, beat in his chest. Steve's heart beat. The bond was still there, hiding under whichever drug had finally lost its hold on Bucky. The mixture of relief and panic that surged through him made Bucky vomit. Relief because, after god only knew how long, Steve was still his. Panic, because now there was no way for him to escape. The bond would lead Steve to him, no matter where he tried to hide.

Worst of all, Bucky could run again. Not right then. After seven days, his body demanded rest. The sensation of the bond firing up, weak though it was, had woken Bucky from a sound sleep of only two hours. When he tried to convince his body to run again, to leave, and keep this distance between himself and Steve, it didn't listen. He had reached maximum operating ability, knowledge from his time as the Asset. If he didn't rest, rest and refuel, he wouldn't have the ability to resist anyone who came for him.

When Bucky woke again, the heartbeat was closer. Moving faster than Bucky could hope to avoid. A Quinjet, maybe? If that was true, Bucky had mere hours, not days.

“Steve, no,” Bucky pleaded, but there was no one to hear him in the abandoned gas station but spiders and rats.

The heartbeat - the only heart that ever mattered - drew closer.

 _“No one ever told you?”_ Steve’s voice whispered from the past. _“...can’t do without you.”_

Bucky flinched and sat up straight. That wasn’t how it had gone. How...how had it gone? Pressing both hands to the sides of his head, Bucky whined, low and long. A sound he hadn’t been allowed in…

The sound of his whine had made Steve crazy. Could make his Alpha hard all on its own, or make him fuck Bucky senseless when all he had meant to do was a slow, long tease. His smile could make his Alpha smile, his touch calm even the worst temper, or worry, or nightmare. Steve needed him.

No, Steve needed the man he had been. Bucky didn’t...he _wasn’t_ Bucky. He wasn’t. He was…

_“Please...help my wife.”_

_“Mercy, god, mercy!”_

_“Daddy! Daddy, wake up!”_

_“Not my baby, please!”_

Wrapping his arms around his head, Bucky whined as the begging, pleading voices of men, women, children filled his mind. Gunfire, screeching tires, explosions. Pain, so much pain in his mind, scraping it all out. Scraping out Steve, taking him away, laying Bucky open and empty where once he had been warm and safe and whole. Making him fight, making him kill. He didn’t want to, he’d never wanted to, but he did. He’d obeyed. He’d compiled and they died. They begged and pleaded and screamed and they _died_.

Steve didn’t need _him_. Not him. He was a monster, hands stained in blood. Destruction, that was all he was good for. Not love, not comfort, not...

A deep, guttural growl tore through the store front.

Bucky went utterly still. His Alpha was here. His Alpha was displeased. His Alpha was taking his wrists, pulling them from about his head and pulling them to his chest. Holding them with one hand against his heart, he slung his arm about Bucky’s - _not Bucky’s_ \- shoulders and pulled him bodily after.

Unable to help himself, Bucky went. The tears came then, great heaving sobs that wracked his entire body. He kept his eyes closed tight, but couldn’t stop himself from tucking his head beneath Steve’s chin. Couldn’t stop from shaking, from clutching at Steve’s chest when he pulled his hand free to wrap around Bucky’s back, pulling them closer together.

“I’m here,” Steve murmured.

Gulping for air, Bucky waited for the empty promises. The platitudes. It would be okay. It was all right. They’d fix it. It wasn’t his fault. He was a victim. Steve understood. He was okay now. Not to worry. Don’t worry. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was fine.

“You’re not alone, Buck. I won’t leave you again.”

“Steve,” Bucky sobbed.

The arms around him tightened, holding Bucky even closer.

“Yeah, yeah, sweetheart, I’m here.”

The scent of his Alpha filled his nose. Filled his head with smells he had never thought he would know again. Sweat and leather, charcoal and paper, coffee, strength, home. This was home. This was what he had lost, what he had avoided, what he needed, what he couldn’t have.

“You have to go,” Bucky pleaded, “I’m not safe. I’m not. I hurt you, I…”

Steve’s grip shifted, slipping around his shoulders, cupping his chin and pulling his head up. Bucky got a glimpse of clear blue eyes, stubble and shadows, and Steve’s lips covered his own. Eyes falling closed, Bucky couldn’t resist. He fell into the kiss, into Steve, and moaned softly. Taking the sound as encouragement, Steve pressed in harder, curled over Bucky, laid him back on his sleeping bag. Steve’s body was hard against Bucky’s, muscled and powerful, long and lean and so, so good.

Shaking his head, Bucky pulled back and Steve, surprisingly, let him.

“I don’t remember it all,” Bucky argued, though Steve hadn’t spoken again. “I don’t remember me. I don’t remember you. No, Steve I don’t,” Bucky said loudly when Steve opened his mouth, “I can’t remember. I can’t remember being yours. How we were. I can’t, I -”

“I don’t care,” Steve said quickly, “Buck, I don’t care.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky spat. “You want me to be him. To be _us_. Your mate and your Omega and -”

“No, Buck, listen,” Steve again interrupted, his hand slipping and pressing over their bond mark. Instantly Bucky went silent, whining and shivering beneath his Alpha. “I’d be lyin’ if I said I didn’t want my best friend back, my mate who I loved more'n anythin’ in the whole world, but it’s not what I need. I need you, Buck. However you come, whoever you are now.”

“You’ll change your mind,” Bucky said thickly.

Steve, oddly, smiled.

“You said that once,” he said, not prompting, just telling, “Said I’d mate you and move on to the next thing in a few years. It’s been a few years, Buck. Lemme decide if you’re still mine.”

_More than loved; he was Steve’s._

Bucky shuddered at the thought and nodded.

“O-okay.”

The smile that pulled up Steve’s lips was radiant.

Bucky didn’t smile. Steve was wrong. No one needed the Soldier unless they wanted death.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve was hovering.

The Quinjet was large, considering it was a fighter plane. At least ten people could be packed in at once, if necessary. Bucky had curled into the first corner he could find, not that there were many in the plane, and was still crouched there an hour later. He guessed they were headed back to New York, not that anyone had told him where they were going. Steve had just bundled him onto the plane, told the Black Widow, the pilot, and the flying man from the Helicarrier to take them home. 

Then Steve started hovering.

The flying man had tried to say something to his Alpha, but Steve had sniffed once and let out that same, dark growl. Challenge. A sound Bucky had heard once before today, ages ago, when Dum Dum and… They had wanted Bucky’s heat for their own and Steve had stopped them with that growl. It was just as effective now; the flying man quickly backing away, into the cockpit. 

“Steve?” the Black Widow had climbed from her chair a moment later, after the flying man said something in her ear. “Everything all right?”

Olive green eyes flicked to Bucky. He stared back, letting his mind wonder how she had come to earn his Alpha’s trust and as quickly dismissing the thought. That wasn’t for him to know. Wasn’t it? Didn’t Steve tell him everything? It wasn’t his place to ask questions.

Bucky shook his head hard.

“The bond,” Steve said, blue eyes flicking to Bucky and back to the Black Widow. Omega, part of Bucky supplied. A threat? “It’s…damaged. I can’t,” Steve’s hands flexed, closing and opening his fists. “I can’t feel him. I mean, I can, but… I don’t know how to explain it.”

The Black Widow was watching him again. Bucky narrowed his eyes, trying to understand what all the pieces were telling him. The Asset knew her as a threat, level six, target, failed mission. She was to be eliminated. The American knew her as a former ally, he had failed to protect her from...someone. The Sergeant knew she was dangerous, could see it in the way she moved, held herself, tossed her hair. The many pieces that made up _Bucky_ knew Steve trusted her, could see it in his eyes, his shoulders. He stood open, relaxed, easy, too easy.

“It’s going to be okay, Steve,” the Black Widow - Natalia? - offered. She lifted a hand, reached for him -

_There was a blonde; Steve had her hand and was following her. Steve was going with her, leaving Bucky, ignoring Bucky. The bitch was going to take him, take his rut, and Bucky would have nothing. Bucky wouldn’t let her. Wouldn’t let her take him away._

\- Bucky slammed into Steve, between him and the Black Widow. A growl, as low and dangerous as his Alpha’s, ripped through the plane. It wasn’t an Alpha’s, though, it was his own. _He_ was making that noise.

Red-gloved hands grabbed his shoulders, turned and spun him, shoving him against the Quinjet’s wall. Bucky went, didn’t resist even as Steve’s hand dug into his flesh arm hard enough to bruise, because it meant Steve was with _him_ , touching _him_. Not her, not the blonde, not the Widow. 

“The hell, Buck?” Steve demanded, breathing hard and staring down at him with something that wasn’t quite anger, but wasn’t anything else, either.

“Mine,” Bucky gasped out. 

Blue eyes widened and Steve’s grip shifted, arms wrapping around Bucky’s shoulders and pulling him close. Bucky went, tucking into his Alpha’s arms. This was where he belonged. Where Steve belonged. 

“Yeah, Buck,” Steve murmured into his hair. “Yours.”

“Right,” the Black Widow said from somewhere behind Steve, “Letting everyone know not to come near either of you until you get this bond sorted right.”

Tentatively, Bucky let his arms wrap around Steve’s waist.

“You…” Bucky swallowed, burrowed his nose into the crook of Steve’s shoulder. “I won’t let you go off with her.”

“Ain’t goin’ off with no one,” Steve said fiercely, his arms tightening again and Bucky didn’t care. Let it bruise, let it hurt. That meant it was real. Hallucinations never hurt you. “Still yours, Buck. Always been yours, and it’s always been you for me. Told you that before, and I’ll tell you again and again until you know it as well as your own heart. It can’t be anyone else for me; no one but you.”

“I ain’t good for you,” Bucky whispered, trying to make himself push Steve away and only able to cling tighter. “Things I done… Things they put in my head, they’re still there.” Bucky gasped, gulped, and the Asset growled, “Mission incomplete. Target remains to be eliminated.” 

Whining in desperation, Bucky’s knees gave out. Steve sank with him, holding him, even as Bucky held him. Their arms bruising each other, bruising and healing because they both weren’t human any more. Bucky was the monster, though, had it inside him. Clawing to get out.

“I can’t… Please, just make it stop,” Bucky pleaded, his voice breaking, hitching. “All the people. I killed so many people. Steve, please, you can’t trust me. You can’t. I’m not Bucky. I’m not. I’m a weapon. You gotta stop me. You _gotta_.”

Both of Steve’s hands lifted from his shoulders, sliding up around Bucky’s neck. For a moment, Bucky thought Steve would listen, and he sobbed in relief and regret because Steve would never forgive himself. The hands kept moving, didn’t settle, didn’t snap his neck. They cupped the back of his head, fingers tangling in Bucky’s long, filthy hair, and pulling until Bucky was forced to meet Steve’s gaze.

The dark, black look in his Alpha’s eyes stole Bucky’s breath.

“No one takes you from me,” Steve growled, “Not anyone. Not you, sure as hell not me. You hear me, Bucky Barnes? I don’t care what’s in your head. You’re _mine_. If I gotta watch you, make sure you hurt no one, then I’ll do that, but you aren’t goin’ anywhere. Hear me?”

“Yes, Alpha,” Bucky gasped, relief and despair crashing through him in equal parts, 

“I’m here now,” Steve promised again. “You’re not alone. I won’t leave you again.”

Pulling one hand from Bucky’s neck, Steve used his teeth to pull the red leather from his hand. Sliding his palm under Bucky’s jaw, he tilted Bucky’s head back before stripping the other glove off in the same manner. With his other hand holding Bucky’s head up, the newly-bare one brushed away his long hair, uncovering the old bonding mark. Steve’s blue eyes locked on the old scar, darkening to near black, and Bucky’s heart skipped a beat right along with Steve’s.

Before Steve’s fingers even brushed the mark, Bucky’s body was shuddering. The bond mark was so sensitive, even after all this time, and the air punched from Bucky’s chest at the first touch. Tightening his hold on Steve’s waist, Bucky tilted his head as far back as he could, submitting to his Alpha. Letting him see his mark.

“All this time,” Steve breathed out. 

“It’s broken,” Bucky choked out. “I’m broken.”

“No, sugar, no,” Steve protested, eyes focusing on Bucky’s. “Just damaged s’all.” 

Steve’s eyes return to the mark, and though he couldn’t feel it, Bucky couldn’t see his sadness. That he couldn’t feel it, though, that was just more proof that he was broken. Steve wasn’t as right as often as he liked to think.

“They told me I was imagining it. The bond still there, after you fell. Said it happens sometimes, when a pair has a strong enough connection.” The sadness was growing in Steve’s eyes, but Bucky couldn’t move so long as his fingers kept tracing the scar on his neck. “But you weren’t gone, and I left you… Bucky, I…”

“They told me you died,” Bucky murmured. Frowning, he got enough of himself together to pull Steve’s hand from his neck. “Where’ve you been? How are you… Stevie, it’s been seventy years. You look... “ Bucky rubbed at his eyes, wondering if he had lost his mind. Except it still hurt where Steve was squeezing his ribs. “Explain.”

“Do you… Do you remember, Hydra, they would put you in cryostasis?” Steve asked, his voice hushed.

“I know how I got here,” the Asset growled. 

Something shifted in Steve’s blue eyes, the guilt swallowed by hard stone. Ripping his hand from Bucky’s, Steve pressed it hard against the bond mark, and the Asset recoiled as if struck by a stun baton. Bucky’s pieces slammed together, sharp and ragged, and slicing through, but more whole than they had been since they fought down the Asset on the Helicarrier. Clutching at Steve’s hand, Bucky whined and thought maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t broken after all. Not if something as small as Steve touching his mark could affect him so strongly. Not if Steve could see the difference in him instantly and know how to fix it.

“Better?” Steve asked gently.

Frantically, nodding, Bucky watched as a ghost of a smile flickered over Steve’s lips. Keeping his hand on the bond mark, he shifted again, pulling at Bucky until he was tucked back in Steve’s arms. With his head beneath Steve’s chin, Steve told him a story he could hardly believe. About the Red Skull, a crashed plane, and a seventy-year sleep that Steve woke from to form a new team, so he could keep saving the world. Bucky didn’t say anything the whole time, held himself still in his Alpha’s arms and listened to the soothing rumble of his voice. By the time they landed, Steve had told him all about his team, friends, and how very strange he found the modern world.

It wasn’t nearly as strange as Bucky thought it was.

When the ramp lowered to the roof of some skyscraper, Steve pulled Bucky to his feet and hustled him inside, an arm around his shoulders. Bucky barely had a chance to look around him, Steve was moving them too fast. Someone called after them, but Steve was on a mission. A mission, apparently, to get him down three flights of stairs and into an apartment that smelled like no one but Steven Grant Rogers.

Home, Bucky’s body insisted, safe.

The door slammed behind them and Steve finally slowed, pulling his arm from around Bucky’s shoulders and giving him a sheepish smile. With his first chance to look around, Bucky found a surprisingly modern apartment. There was a sleek, chrome, steel, and black granite kitchen to their left and a large, cozy-looking living room before them with a glorious view of the Manhattan skyline. A hall led off to their left, three doors closed in its shadow. Paintings line the walls and Bucky knows better than to think anything more than they’re pretty. Later, he’ll have to have Steve tell him why they’re special.

“Sorry,” Steve said quietly, “It’s just that the tower smells like Tony, and I can’t get the idea out of my head that someone’s gonna take you from me if I let ‘em around you too long.”

“Where are we?” Bucky asked, instead of addressing that line of thought. They _had_ taken Bucky, after all.

“Stark Tower - Avengers Tower, I guess. Tony renamed it. I haven’t stayed here in about a year, but…it’s safer than my place in D.C.”

Glancing about, Bucky decided it would be safe enough. He can’t see any obvious ways in or out, and the tower is too tall for anyone to have proper sniper sightlines. Unless they use a hot air balloon. The Asset did that once.

“It’s all reinforced,” Steve said, as if reading Bucky’s mind, “JARVIS has the best security system out there. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t exist any more, so this is the safest place I could think to take you. Tony said he can send up some doctors to make sure you’re healthy. See if we can’t help you in any way.”

All the pieces of Bucky don’t want this to happen. Even the Asset. Whining, ducking his head and feeling his skin crawl at the mention of doctors, Bucky backed away from Steve. Doctors would poke and prod, want to run tests. Stab and talk over him, hurt him. Make him a weapon again. And Steve would let them. Steve wanted him to see them. Wanted them to run their tests because he was good and sweet, and too trusting. 

Strong arms wrapped around Bucky’s torso and he burrowed into the scent of Steve and Alpha and safe. 

“Shh, Buck,” Steve murmured into his hair, “No one is going to hurt you. You don’t have to see them if you don’t want, but… We don’t know what they’ve been done to you, sugar. I need to know if you’re okay.”

“Please no,” Bucky whimpered, his heart beating too fast. 

Steve groaned.

“Buck, please. I’ll take you to our room, you’ll be safe. No one will hurt you. Okay? I’ll be there the whole time. I won’t leave you for a second. No one will hurt you.”

The Asset was angry; he shouldn’t argue. The Sergeant was angry; he shouldn’t have begged. The American hated doctors too, but thought Steve was right. The pieces of Bucky were too tired to fight any more. 

“It’s gonna be fine,” Steve promised for the first time, taking his silence for ascent. “I'll be there the entire time. Won't leave you alone, promise.”

Somehow Steve got Bucky down the hall and into the bedroom without untucking him from their embrace. The room was dark, but Bucky didn’t look up to take in the decor from where his face was pressed against Steve anyway. At least, he didn’t mean to, but, as soon as Steve shut the door, he was stepping away. The loss of warmth, of those arms, tore a whine from Bucky’s throat. It made him feel weak to be unable to go even a few inches from Steve, but he couldn’t stand the thought of his Alpha being away from him. Not with doctors on the way.

The whine had barely faded when Steve was back, pulling him in, tucking Bucky’s face against his neck.

“Breathe, sugar,” Steve ordered, firm and gentle.

Bucky obeyed, inhaling deeply as he curled his frame into Steve’s arms once more. It was only then that he realized where Steve had placed his face as he breathed in nothing but his Alpha’s scent. It made him dizzy, his knees turning to jelly as Steve’s arms were all that held him up. Yet at the same time it was wonderful. To be so full of his Alpha, to know that Steve is still _his_ , it was everything. Nothing else mattered. Not doctors, not the fragments of self that do not fit together any more, not being in a strange place, or that he was a monster. 

The next thing Bucky was aware of, other than Steve’s scent, was that someone was stripping him. Opening his eyes, he found himself on the bed, Steve already having worked most of his combat gear off and thrown it aside. He had changed, too, now wearing nothing but a pair of loose grey sweats. Working quietly, but efficiently, he either didn’t notice Bucky was back in his own head, or wasn’t concerned, so long as he wasn’t fighting or whining. Probably the latter. 

Frankly, Bucky didn’t want to fight, not with Steve while he was pulling off his clothes. From here, Bucky could see Steve’s defined, muscular chest and it was gorgeous as ever. The pieces of him remembered the first time he’d seen Steve after Azzano, finally had a really good look at the changes in his Alpha’s body. He had thought Stevie beautiful before, but that? Jesus, that had been a walking wet dream. All that muscle, golden skin, broad shoulders and a waist so small, it didn’t seem possible.

Steve’s arm slid under Bucky’s lower back, lifting as he stripped him of his boxers and froze, the fabric bunched on Bucky’s thighs. Looking down, he found his Alpha staring at his cock and followed his gaze to find himself hard. He swallowed because it was something he should have noticed by feel, not by sight.

Bucky watched the bob of Steve’s throat and then he was moving again, ripping the briefs away and looking up at Bucky from where he knelt by his knee.

“We can’t,” Steve cleared his throat and Bucky can smell the arousal coming off him in waves, “I can’t do much. With you; not until the doctors tell me I won’t hurt you, but, sugar, I can… If you want, I’ll...” 

Carefully, Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s bare thigh and it was a jolt to his system. Bucky’s body jerked, spreading his legs before he could think to offer himself to his Alpha. Another whine tore from his throat, his hands clenching in the covers. It had been so long, so goddamned long, since anyone had touched him. It wasn’t just the mark that was sensitive, all of Bucky was now straining for Steve’s touch. For his Alpha.

“Alpha,” Bucky whined.

Blue eyes huge and round, Steve moved just as carefully as he lay down by Bucky’s side. A hand on his hip urged Bucky to roll, and he went, onto his side, facing Steve. An arm slid under Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him close to that firm, delicious chest, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to touch. Couldn’t believe it would be allowed. It’d been so long…

Steve’s other hand came to rest on his hip, thumb caressing the hollow of bone and pelvis, and Bucky’s body jerked again.

“Stevie,” the Sergeant gasped, “I ain’t gonna… I ain’t gonna last. Haven’t had anyone…” 

Bucky arched as Steve’s hand slowly traveled up his side, fingers sketching his ribs. His Alpha’s eyes were so big, so blue. And looked with awe of what this small touch was doing to Bucky. 

“They only touched me to hurt me,” the American said.

Eyes narrowing, Steve’s hand lifted to the mark and traced it with gentle finger tips. 

The American subsided, the Sergeant gasping, “I could come, just like this, without you touchin’ me. God, that’s embarrassing. It’s just, I haven’t. Not since we were last… Not even…myself.”

“Bucky,” Steve gasped.

Then he ducked his head, tongue darting out to swipe over Bucky’s nipple. The pleasure was overwhelming, crashing over Bucky like lightning. The room was immediately filled with the scent of sex as slick gushed from Bucky’s body, dripping between his legs. Steve groaned at the smell, twisting his neck to lap at Bucky’s other nipple, then wrapped his lips about the nub and sucked. Bucky shouted, metal arm lifting to grab the back of his neck and hold him in place. His body shuddered, Steve’s teeth now scraping his flesh, and then Steve’s hand was on his cock, stroking once, twice, and he came. 

Muscles going taught, Bucky shuddered in Steve’s embrace, mouth open on a silent shout of pleasure. The intensity bowed his body forward, curling about Steve as his come covered his Alpha’s hand. More slick gushed from his body, so now he was wet and sticky and aching, just _aching_ , for his Alpha to take him. 

Gasping, Bucky was barely aware of Steve pulling away, wiping his hand, and pulling Bucky back into his arms. A hand played with his hair, slipping through the strands at the base of his neck and sending shivers racing down Bucky’s spine. The other traveled said bones, mapping the vertebra and lightly scraping nails over his over sensitive, over heating skin. Steve was humming, he realized, and Bucky pressed forward, pressed his body to the cool length that was his Alpha. 

The stupid pants were in the way and he whined, yanking at them until Steve pulled them away with a soft laugh. Then they were finally pressed together, from head to toe. Every inch of Steve soothed the burning under Bucky’s skin, the fire. He could feel his Alpha hard between them, but he still wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch. He had once, so long ago, but now... The Sergeant wanted to, but the Asset and the American wouldn’t let Bucky move his hands. Even as the ache began to grow inside him, slick coating his insides and still leaking from him, needing Steve inside him, he couldn’t do more than place his hands on Steve’s stomach.

Abruptly the humming stopped, the hand tightening in Bucky’s hair and yanking his head back. Steve’s blue eyes had turned black and Bucky could smell it now, smokey and citrus over the graphite, gunpowder, and leather. Rut, which meant…

Bucky whined, remembering the feeling coursing through him now. In his lifetime, he had only experienced it once before. Then Steve had claimed him, made Bucky his forever and he should never had gone into heat again. Except he had, he was, and Steve had slipped into rut right along with him.

_”You do realize this is a problem, though, right?”_

Broken, the bond was broken. Damaged. 

Bucky whined again and Steve’s hand tightened, forcing his head back further to bare his throat. The Asset hated being this vulnerable, wanted to fight back. The pieces of Bucky struggled to hold him back as Steve’s eyes took in the long line of Bucky’s arched throat, teeth baring in a growl. It was low, rumbling, and long, instead of commanding, demanding. Bucky’s hands shook at the sound, another whimper escaping his throat. The Asset still wanted a fight, though, and the sound turned into a growl of his own.

Then Steve was on him, that challenging snarl ripping through the room, the floor, Bucky’s chest. Yanking his hair and flipping him onto his stomach, Steve was rough, slapping at Bucky’s hands when the Asset tried to shove him away. He pushed Bucky’s face into the mattress, and before Bucky could try to push himself up, sank his teeth into the back of his neck.

Yelping at the sharp pain, the fight instantly went out of Bucky, out of the Asset. It wasn’t like receiving the bond mark, this was all Alpha-in-rut demanding submission. And Bucky’s body submitted, hands twisting in the covers, legs spreading so the Alpha could slip between them. The Alpha bit down harder, growling again, and Bucky shoved his ass back at him. Spreading his legs even further, he moaned, but remained limp and pliant beneath the powerful Alpha body.

“Alpha,” he gasped, “I’m sorry. I’m yours. I’m yours.”

Slowly the teeth withdrew from his neck, a tongue lapping lightly at the stinging sharp wound. Maybe it would scar. Bucky hoped it would, marking him twice to his Alpha. His Alpha, who was rubbing his cock between Bucky’s cheeks, nipping and licking at the back of his neck. Large hands slipped down his shoulders, down his sides to his hips, and then lower still to his ass. They squeezed, molding the firm muscles before pulling them wide. Exposing him.

Gasping, Bucky arched and found he could spread his legs even further. His Alpha rumbled in approval, the tip of his cock brushing over Bucky’s leaking entrance as he thrust between Bucky’s cheeks. Over and over the tip brushed his hole, catching on the rim, and sliding past. Writhing, Bucky tried to thrust back each time it caught, tried to impale himself on his Alpha’s cock. Each time, his Alpha growled and pinned his hips to the bed.

“When I want you,” his Alpha said, voice low and husky, “I’ll take you.”

Bucky whined.

“Alpha, please,” he begged, “Make me yours again. I need… I need it in me.”

Groaning, his Alpha gave in. The tip caught again, but this time his Alpha shifted, hips pressing so Bucky’s rim stretched, burning, to accommodate him. It kept stretching, more slick pouring from inside him to ease the way, but not nearly enough for a body that had gone without for decades. Bucky reveled in the pain, crying out and clinging to the bed, knowing the pain meant it was real. His Alpha was real, claiming him, making this body his again.

Inch by inch he sank inside Bucky, slow and sweetly burning. His Alpha held his hips to the bed, keeping him from pushing back, taking it all in at once. Then finally, finally, his hole closed over the base of the knot and his Alpha stopped being slow and gentle. The last few inches pushed inside him at once, burying the knotted cock inside Bucky to the hilt. 

Tension drained from Bucky then. The sharp edges of himself stopped slicing at each other, knowing that he belonged now. Belonged to Steve, his Alpha. This was who he was: Steve’s. It didn’t matter if he remembered everything, he remembered this. Soothing his Alpha’s temper, loving him when he was in pain, protecting him even from himself, caring for him when he was hurt, letting him worship this body. 

This was who he had always been.

Twisting his arms behind him, Bucky caught his Alpha’s waist and pulled so he sank that much further into Bucky. Whining again, he twisted his neck, baring his throat and the mark. His Alpha growled, making Bucky moan again and arch so it was impossible to miss. That did it, his Alpha dove down, teeth sinking into the mark and Bucky shouted out. He snarled and thrashed and his Alpha was moving, thrusting, pulling out so the knot caught at his hole and pushed back in.

“Alpha!” Bucky shouted.

Snarling again, his Alpha thrust harder, his hips rolling and cock sliding over Bucky’s prostate again and again. Pleasure shot through Bucky, heat coiling under his skin, in his stomach, between his legs. He cried out and sobbed, realizing his metal hand was holding the back of Steve’s neck, holding them together as the pleasure unfurled in his chest. His own hips were moving, pushing back into Steve as he thrust and forward as he pulled back, setting their tempo so deep and fast that the knot pulled at his hole every time his Alpha pulled out. They were connected, locked together. It would literally tear Bucky apart to separate them now.

“Oh, god, fuck me,” the Sergeant begged, “Harder, Stevie, Alpha, god. Deeper, please, I’m gonna... Please, Stevie, I need… God, don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

Because Steve always gave Bucky whatever he needed, he did exactly as Bucky asked. Thrusting harder, deeper, hands holding a bruising grip on his hips. His teeth sank further into Bucky’s throat. Pleasure blossomed and bloomed, fire flickering through his body, just under his skin.

And then it all clicked into place. All the pieces of Bucky, the Sergeant, slipped together. The edges stayed sharp, ragged and brittle, but he knew he was together again. He was _himself_. There was still the Asset, still the American, but he was _Bucky_ and Bucky belonged to Steve. 

Steve was still moving, thrusting, and Bucky fell over the edge of pleasure. Heat erupted in his veins as he shouted, cursed, back arching. He came so hard he saw stars. More heat pooled inside him and he realized Steve had come as well, deep within him, going still and finally pulling his teeth from Bucky’s neck.  
Like their first night, Steve lapped at the mark, then burrowed his face into the joint of Bucky’s shoulder and neck. Inside Bucky, he was still hard, still knotted, and they’d have to go again until it went down, but for now Steve just slid his arms beneath Bucky’s chest, holding them together. Holding Bucky tight. 

“I can feel you,” Steve whispered. “God, I missed you, sugar.”

“Still not,” Bucky licks his lips, “Still don’t remember, but I…I’m yours, Stevie, and it’s…better. So much better. Don’t think I’ll…freak out on you again.”

Steve chuckled, peppering kisses over Bucky’s cheek, his nose, his jaw and forehead. Bucky just smiled, lying still beneath his Alpha, feeling full and sated. Last time it had taken them three orgasms to burn out his heat, but he could feel it fading back under his skin now. Steve could feel it too, and was giving him the time to recover before he took Bucky again.

“How many times, do you think?” Bucky asked quietly.

Steve didn't have to ask what Bucky meant, he just chuckled again.

“It’s been a few years,” Steve confessed, “So might be a few. You gonna be okay?”

“You always made me feel good,” Bucky murmured, “I remember that.”

“Yeah,” Steve’s fingers caressed his abs, then up to tease his nipples, “but you weren’t usually so sensitive.”

Bucky moaned and clenched down with his stomach muscles, and Steve shuddered, gasping and clutching Bucky to him.

“I can take it,” he purred.

“You bastard,” Steve growled.

The arms around his chest shifted, hooking about his waist and curling over his shoulder. Steve moved behind him, lifting Bucky’s hips so he could get his knees on the bed. Then he pulled Bucky bodily upwards, leaned back, and sat on his ankles. Bucky had no choice but to follow, ending up resting on Steve’s thighs. Steve’s cock was now buried even deeper inside him.

“Oh fuck,” he cursed, head falling back onto his Alpha’s shoulder.

Breathless, but laughing, Steve keeps shifting, easing himself back to lean against the headboard, legs between Bucky’s thighs. Bucky jolted as he realized what his Alpha was after, felt arousal curl and pool in his stomach, his cock twitching with renewed interest.

Steve’s hands pinched his nipples, and he nipped playfully at Bucky’s shoulder.

“Ride me, sugar,” Steve demanded, rolling Bucky’s nipples between his fingers. 

Gasping at the sensation, Bucky lets his head fall forward again and obeyed. Pulling his feet beneath him, he rose until the knot pulled at his hole, and then slammed back down.

“Mm, yeah,” Steve said huskily, approving. Pleasure curled in Bucky’s stomach knowing he was satisfying his Alpha. It increased as Steve continued to play with his nipples, squeezing his pecs, and gently pulling on the sensitive nubs. Bucky lifted himself again and slammed down again, earning a groan from Steve, even as Bucky whimpered when the cock inside him rubbed his prostate.

“So sensitive,” Steve teased, pinching just hard enough that it hurt. Bucky mewled and slammed himself down again, whimpering as the pleasure nearly became painful. 

Steve demanded, “Faster,” and Bucky obediently did as told, rolling his hips and changing depth for speed. “That’s it. Just like that, sugar. You remember what I like? I’ll tell you if you don’t.”

“You… You like it wh-when I tell you how it feels,” Bucky choked out, moaning as he rode Steve fast and easy. “When I’m loud and...and when I…” He gasped, tossing his head back as his cock began to fill again. “Yours, Stevie. I’m all yours.”

“Yes,” Steve growled, hands falling to Bucky’s hips and urging Bucky to move faster. “You need me to touch you?”

“N-no,” Bucky shuddered, “I… It feels so good, Stevie. Inside me. Full and filling me up and hitting, oh, just...Yes, there. Oh…”

Steve had shifted underneath Bucky, planting his feet and spreading his thighs so his hips angled backward. Bucky sat down hard, his Alpha’s cock pressing right against the hot button inside him and he shouted. Immediately, Steve grabbed his hips, moving him when he stopped, holding him up and then fucking into him. 

“Oh, god,” Bucky sobbed, “Steve! Steve, god, yes. Harder, more, please!”

Growling, Steve lifted him and slammed him down, over and over, fucking up into him and taking Bucky apart piece by piece. The hands on his hips held him together, left bruises in his skin, and Bucky shouted with relief and pleasure and, “Yes, god, yesss!”

“Fuck,” Steve groaned, “Sugar, I -”

He came, filling Bucky up and making him whimper. Yet the knot didn’t go down, so Steve didn’t stop. Kept fucking him, kept lifting him, pounding Bucky’s prostate over and over until Bucky was scrambling for something to hold on to. Something, anything, and Steve’s thighs were between his and he squeezed, bruising his Alpha even as the bruises on his own hips deepened, spread, and darkened.

Only when he shouted Steve’s name and came did his Alpha stop, but then only to roll them forward. On his knees, hands pressed into the bedspread, Steve pounded into him again from behind. Bucky shouted, his body too sensitive, too full, too sore. More come than slick leaked from his hole each time Steve pulled out, but he didn’t stop. Didn’t stop as Bucky pleaded, didn’t stop as his cock filled again, and Steve kept fucking him until they were both coming again, gasping, sweat beading on theirs skin.

Steve leaned over his back, panting, skin slick as he pressed small kisses along Bucky’s spine. The orgasms had been so intense, so all-consuming, Bucky’s body still tingled with the aftershocks. He came back to himself slowly, realizing he was still somehow holding himself up on his hands and knees, and that Steve was still hard, knotted, and buried inside him.

“Oh god,” Bucky sobbed, “No, I can’t. Steve. Alpha, please, I… I can’t…”

“You can,” Steve corrected, his voice hard, “You will. Until I’m done with you, Buck, and I ain’t done with you.”

“Steve,” Bucky gasped, scrambling on the bed as if he could pull away, “Steve, please.”

With a growl, Steve yanked him back with an arm around his hips. His hand grabbed a fistful of Bucky’s hair, pulling until his throat was bare and biting down again. Crying out, Bucky went limp in his arms, whimpering as Steve stopped pulling so he could run his fingers through the sweat-damp strands. Bucky whimpering again, louder this time, as Steve began to move again, slow, but deep. 

Gasping for breath, Bucky shuddered, his body too hot, overly sensitive, so full. It was too much, too _much_ , and yet Steve didn’t stop. Taking him slowly, but steady, possessing him in ways he hadn’t known he could be owned. Every part of him was focused on Steve’s cock, Steve’s hand in Bucky’s hair, the arm about his waist, holding him up. 

Pulling his teeth from Bucky’s neck, Steve whispered, “I love you,” in his ear. “I’ll always love you,” he promised, and Bucky sobbed, arms giving out. He fell forward and Steve rode him down, thrusting slow and deep, chest plastered to Bucky’s back. 

“I love you,” he whispered again. “Forever. Nothing can change that, nothing can change what we have.”

“I’m a monster,” Bucky sobbed, wanting to fight, wanting to pull away but not having the strength. 

Steve didn’t stop. The hand in Bucky’s hair slipped away, arm wrapping about Bucky’s chest, pulling them even closer. 

“I love you,” Steve said again, deeper, louder. “I’ve loved you my whole life. You’re mine, Bucky Barnes. Nothin’ changes that.”

Sobbing harder, clutching at Steve’s arms, Bucky’s body pushed back into the next thrust. He let out a choked cry, shuddering at the overwhelming pleasure. It was too much, it was all too much, but he couldn’t get away.

“Don’t let go,” Bucky begged, “Please don’t let go.”

He didn’t want to get away.

“Never,” Steve growled, arms tightening as he kept thrusting slow, steady, continuously. “I love you. I love you, Bucky. You’re mine and I love you.”

Over and over, Steve whispered those words, holding Bucky tight and making love to him slowly. Bucky sobbed, his body unable to get hard again, but awash with pleasure. Pleasure the likes of which he’d never known, that tore at his insides, ripped him apart, and put him back together again. The Asset, the American, Bucky; no more struggled to be one, or another. _He_ was the Asset. His hands, his body. He was the American. He was James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. And his soul belonged to his Alpha. 

Steve came with a groan, pumping his seed into Bucky one last time before the knot finally, _finally_ went down, and his cock slipped free. Collapsing, he rolled to the side, taking Bucky with, so their bodies were still pressed together, limbs tangled until Bucky wasn’t sure where Steve started and he began. 

An hour passed, maybe minutes. Bucky didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He was home.

“God, you’re incredible,” Steve said breathlessly. 

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Bucky said, voice rough from shouting and crying.

Steve laughed, nuzzling into the back of his neck.

“There’s my boy,” he murmured fondly.

_”How do you put up with an Omega that sasses you like that?” the Alpha had commander had asked, and Bucky imagined he wasn’t supposed to overhear him talking to Steve. If they hadn’t wanted him to overhear, they should have gone farther away. “I’d have slapped him stupid by now.”_

_Before Bucky could say something that would probably get him in trouble, Steve had laughed._

_“First off, Sergeant Barnes can kick your ass, **Commander**. Secondly, the only time I want his submission is in the sheets. I like having an actual person for a bondmate; you should try it sometime.”_

Bucky shuddered, his heart squeezing at the fragmented memory. Steve wouldn’t try to control him after this, wouldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to. If Bucky really didn’t want the doctors, he could say no. Could refuse. Steve wouldn’t like it, but he’d never use their bond to force him. Never _make_ him submit, or worship him when he did.

“I love you,” Bucky gasped, tears choking his throat again. “Stevie…”

“Shh,” Steve purred, arms squeezing him close again, “Shh, Bucky, I got you. I’m here and I love you. Love you so much, sugar. Not gonna leave you again.”

“Yes,” Bucky sighed, the overwhelming feelings subsiding slowly, “Love you; yours.”

“Sleep now,” Steve murmured, lips pressing gently against their mark. “I’ll be here when you wake up. Won’t go anywhere, I promise.”

Something unknotted in Bucky’s chest and his body finally relaxed, falling into Steve’s warmth. Exhaustion he had been unconsciously holding at bay rushed in, rushed over him, and he had only one thought as he fell into sleep. One unbelievable, incredible thought.

It would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's got that healing cock ~_^

**Author's Note:**

> [Follow me on Tumblr ](http://cleo4u.tumblr.com/)


End file.
